Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Pontificating on Procreating (part 2)

When we left this tale, Libby (and 100s of other Hurricane Babies) had just been welcomed into the world via extremely busy maternity wards!


After two days, I was sent home from the hospital with the this teeny tiny creature whom I loved madly but also had no earthly idea what to do with!
Aack!


I was pretty sure at the time that Libby was going to be my only child. Because after the unholy trauma that my nether regions endured bringing her into the world, there was no way I was ever letting Brad touch me again!


Of course, I eventually got over that but, since I still had horrific, cold sweat-inducing nightmares vaguely remembered childbirth, I decided to take the mini-pill to avoid another "oops" moment. The mini worked well for me, no crazy side effects along with the added benefit of no monthly visitor!


When I stopped nursing Libby at 11 months and the mini-pill's effectiveness fell off the radar, I reminded Brad that returning to a normal pill would result in the return of Bizarro Lauren. His response was "So I guess we are having another baby." I naively stupidly innocently told him that we could go back to using the rhythm method successfully. I mean, we only got pregnant because of those stupid hurricanes anyways and even if we were trying to get pregnant it could still take 6 months to a year, blah, blah, blah.


About two weeks after I dried up and deflated, Aunt Flo returned with a vengeance. I was thrilled because obviously now I could start tracking my cycles again. As it turns out, another cycle never came. Instead we welcomed Emma Jane into the family the following March.

OOPS!


So now I had two children under two years old. As much I love, love, love my girls, I was utterly exhausted and desperate not to get pregnant again! I nursed Emma Jane until she was 16 months and then because Brad refused to wear condoms I couldn't think of a better option, I went back to using a regular pill.


It only took two months to remember why I had stopped in the first place. Since Brad still refused to take any birth control responsibility I no longer trusted the rhythm method, I began researching. I discovered the Couple to Couple League. It is a Natural Family Planning training program developed by the Catholic Church. It involved monitoring my basal body temperature and my, um, mucus and charting this data along with keeping a record of "coitus", as the manual called it, and menstruation and about eleventy-seven other things, etc. Something this scientific just had to work so I ordered this huge, incredibly detailed, 200 page manual and a basal thermometer and jumped on the NFP bandwagon.


I was sure that my complicated, detailed charting process was going to be the key to not getting in a family way again. Now, in the interest of integrity in journalism, I must admit that the instruction manual did clearly state that waiting a full fertility cycle before engaging in any hanky panky was the recommendation of the CCL, but well...you know...Hubs and I were not that disciplined. But I swear, we were really, REALLY careful! We only did it two times during that first month of monitoring my basal temperature and according to my very detailed chart there was no possible way that I was ovulating.


Of course, as we all learned in 10th grade Health class, abstinence is the only guaranteed birth control method and it only takes one time.


Too be continued...


I promise I will wrap this up soon!

8 comments:

shortmama said...

Seriously just cracks me up...look forward to hearing more.

Megan R. said...

OMG, I totally say eleventy seven ALL THE TIME! I've never heard anybody else say it!!

Emily said...

I still remember my exact response when you told me you were going to use the Family Planning Method. "So, you'll be pregnant in a month!"

Kelli said...

This is a funny series. Keep it coming!

Vanessa said...

I know the ending to the "there's NOWAY I'm ovulating right now" series all too well!! LOL That's how JT got his wingman. ;)

Anonymous said...

TMI. Your sister also told you NFP doesn't work. Maybe we shouldn't have been watching Jon and Kate while you were reading the instruction manual.

Heidi @ Blue Eyed Blessings said...

I've never heard of NFP...sounds like it takes too much thinking!

Jackie at 3littleones said...

i just came across these posts today - and they are hilarious (and sound very similar to my 3 kids!). I had my 3rd 3 days before my oldest turned 3....