Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Dear Aunt Flo,

It's been awhile since I have seen you. Your visits over that last 4 years have been sporadic at best. Between breastfeeding and getting knocked up again so fast, you stayed away for almost two years after Libby was born. I really enjoyed the reprieve from your monthly visits. You are not really my favorite relative, so I was mildly disappointed when you thrust your presence upon me just three short months after Emma Jane was born. But as these things go, I got used seeing you regularly and after a time your visits became a source of comfort and reassurance.

And then one day you just went away. No warning, just gone! At first I thought you were mad at me but I was finally forced to accept the truth: You had vacated the premises to make room for another!

It has now been exactly a year since you last visited and I am feeling a little anxiety. On one hand I don't really want to see you. Like I said you aren't my favorite relative! On the other hand, I am sort of expecting you. You see, last night I had one of those psychotic meltdowns that started over Brad eating the last brownie and ending with me yelling at him for never doing the dishes. Pretty typical behavior when I am awaiting one of your visits.

It's also pretty typical behavior when I am pregnant. *gulp*

It has been three months since John was born, and Brad and I have resumed our life as a married couple. *blush* And while certain precautions are being taken, we both know how those things can go! And the inconsistency of your previous visits has left me with some anxiety about what is coming next. I'm not really ready for you to come back yet...but I would rather you come back than not come back.

You know what I mean?

So Flo, what's it going to be? This

or this?

Waiting for you,
your hormonal niece


Krystyn said...

I hope she visits!

But, what the heck is the diva cup?

Megan R. said...

Ooooh, have you used the Diva Cup? Do you like it? I'm vaguely becoming interested in them, but not totally sure. I'm pretty content over here in Tampon land.

As for Aunt Flo... I have my fingers crossed that her flight just got temporarily delayed, and she is on her way!

Bren said...

You went 2 YEARS without your Aunt Flo? My goodness are you a lucky girl. I'm sure it will show up any day now - especially if the brownie fights are happening! And what exactly is a Diva Cup?? I am going to have to search the internet now cuz that's a new one for me!

Morgan said...

I've got my fingers crossed that Aunt Flo visits soon.

Pam said...

I'm in absolute hysterics here! Didn't you somewhat recently claim to be suffering from writer's block? Well, I think you just blew that one right out of the water!

You are definitely NOT suffering from Foggy Mommy Brain!

Pam said...

And since you're so hormonal and I really don't think it can get any worse (you know since you're fighting over brownies and dishes) I'm just gonna toss this one on out there.

So when are you going to lose the Family of 4 Christmas header and officially add JT to the family?! Just wondering. Thought I'd give you a little nudge.

Kim said...

I started reading this and thought, oh my, she is not nice to her aunt. Wow. I've never known Lauren to be so mean. In print for the whole world to see!! Wow.
It took me FAR to long to realize what you were talking about. I guess I do have the foggy mommy brain.

shortmama said...

oooohhhh on the edge of my couch waiting to see if she comes over!

John Deere Mom said...

OMG this is so exciting! The drama, the excitement! :) And the Diva Cup? Um, no thank you! Really?!

Margaret said...

Mine always comes back faithfully even when I am nursing. The only break I get is the months I am actually pregnant.

Hope it comes back.

Carrie said...

Oh my goodness, reading this made me feel so...normal. :)

My fingers are crossed for you!

Emily said...

I'll meet you at the nearest Walgreens.

Momisodes said...

Oh my gosh! Go to CVS and get a stick!!!

Actually, I cleared the shelves last week. You may want to try Target.


James, Andrea, and Clara Smith said...

This is funny. I am sure you know yourself better than I know myself, I was so hoping to go several months at least, but no, only two months after my baby was born (two weeks after PP flo left), AF came again. Then a month later nothing. I took 2 pregnancy test! Then a month later, it was back again. So confusing! I can totally relate to your post!

And, as consolation for AF's return, I bought my first Diva cup. I really think I like it. I've used it 4 times so far, and I think it really simplifies things, plus not as much waste, more discrete and on and on!

Best wishes!

Kelli said...

How dare him eat the last brownie! Um, keep us posted on your aunt.

amanda said...

LOL! so which was it? and have you tried the diva cup. i'm a bit interested in it too!

Robyn Booth said...

I can't wait to hear which one it is! :) Loved the letter! Good luck!

heidi said...

Isn't it funny that you posted that right after I left you a message about Aunt Flo? ;-) I'm still waiting for her to come back after B's birth. Right after both girls she was back lickedy split but it took her 11 months to come visit me after Corbs and we're on month 14 with B.

I shoulda bought stock in pg tests because I go through a 3 pack a month, I swear it.

Can't wait to hear your news. ;-)

Heidi @ Blue Eyed Blessings said...

Sorry, I'm chuckling a little with this post. Oh boy, I hope she comes to say hi soon!

Twiggles and Trunks; said...

oh wow. i just stumbled on your blog. & i soooooo am in the exact same spot right now. the other night i swore i felt some *movement* but Mr. Man convinced me it was just my heart beating (thru my stomach?!) *fingers crossed* for ya!